Muscle up to the Black Dog

Funny how things turn out

It feels odd calling myself a founder, because it wasn’t something I sat down and planned. It just came out of my brain, shaped by years of lived experience.

I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression more than once, the worst of it hitting around 2017. At the time, I was working in retail, driving through Auckland City every day, and having full-blown panic attacks in the car. If you’ve never had one, they’re hard to explain. Sweating, heart pounding, deep breathing, hot and cold flashes—I genuinely thought I was driving to my own execution every day. That’s what anxiety does: it convinces you that you’re not safe, even when you are.

Eventually, I left my job. I was completely depleted. I found myself stuck in bed for two weeks straight. Not lazy—just paralysed. I had perfectly functional legs, but I couldn’t move. That was a turning point. I knew something had to change.

Early steps on seven year journey

I stumbled upon Mental Health First Aid, (curated by Te Pou) which was a bit of a lightbulb moment. At first, it was just a way to help myself. But the more I learned, the more I wanted to help others. I ended up becoming a facilitator, and I’ve been running workshops ever since—probably six or seven years now.

Exercise flicked my switch

Alongside that, I’ve always been a sporty person. I played a lot of rugby and cricket growing up. After hitting rock bottom, I slowly started rediscovering movement, getting outside again, walking the dog. That helped me climb out of the hole. Then I went for a run—my first in ages—and it was like flicking a switch. It didn’t solve anything, but it eased the pressure just enough so I could think clearly again.

I wasn’t. I was sitting in a dark room, alone, doing nothing. That’s when the wheels come off.

That’s what led to Black Dog. It started as an Instagram account. The name comes from the slang term for depression, and it stuck. I’ve got a black Lab at home, and walking him helped pull me out of the worst of it. That man-and-his-dog bond became part of the story.

Join me at Black Dog NZ

Check me out on insta at @blackdognz

Now, Black Dog NZ is more than an account. I’ve recently become a certified personal trainer through City Fitness in Auckland. I train out of the K Road and Queen Street gyms.

That’s the difference. Other trainers might be great at physical programming. But I’ve got experience standing in front of people talking about mental health. I’ve also lived it. If I see someone having a tough day, I’m confident enough to ask if they’re okay—and actually mean it. That empathy matters.

In a perfect world, I’d run a gym that combines both: Mental Health First Aid in the morning, workouts in the afternoon. For now, I offer what I can—training sessions that come with a side of understanding. We might start the session with movement, but we’ll finish with a check-in, a conversation, maybe even a suggestion on where to turn for more help.

It’s not always about the person, either. Sometimes someone comes to me asking on behalf of a mate. They’ve heard their friend is suicidal or deeply depressed. I can give them somewhere to start. That’s the value of combining the two worlds.

If you’re wondering whether to give it a go, here are three reasons why I think it’s worth it—especially if you’re struggling:

One: There’s something powerful about physical exhaustion. When your body is genuinely tired, it’s hard to lie in bed worrying all night. It’s hard to spiral into overthinking when your body’s been used the way it’s meant to be.

Two: Isolation is the enemy. Getting out of the house—even just walking or running past someone and giving them a wave—creates connection. That alone can lift you.

Three: You build momentum. You work out. You feel better. You eat better. You make your bed. You show up. One good decision leads to another, and suddenly things don’t feel quite so dark.

The work is hard. But it’s a good kind of hard. There’s a satisfaction that comes from slowly rebuilding yourself.